HOME

...but where is home?

[ What makes a home? ]

There is no one way to define home.

While a dictionary search shows the definition as a literal shelter in which a person usually resides, home can take on nuanced meanings for different people.

For Cross-Cultural Kids, home can be a sensitive topic. Cross-Cultural Kids (CCKs) is an umbrella term for those who have spent a significant amount of time interacting with more than one culture during their developmental years (Van Reken). For them, home may be a country different from their passport nationality. Home may be a state in which they grew up but no longer live. Home may be a place they have never been.

[ Longing for a Home ]

How can someone feel attachment to such a place?

Nostalgia may play a part in answering that question. Although we may think of nostalgia as a feeling of longing for something we once had but can no longer access, nostalgia can also be a sort of ache for something we could have had. In her book The Future of Nostalgia, Svetlana Boym distinguishes between two kinds of nostalgia: restorative nostalgia and reflective nostalgia.

Restorative nostalgia is concerned over bringing back something from the past, “rebuilding the lost home” (41). For CCKs who abruptly had to leave the place they grew up because of unfavorable conditions such as war or natural disaster, this type of nostalgia can explain their feelings toward their memories of the past, which may include a desire to recover their home.

Reflective nostalgia is less concerned over recovering the past and is more about allowing the past to linger in memory, “longing and loss, the imperfect process of remembrance” (41). CCKs who perhaps feel melancholic about leaving the place they grew up or feel mourning for not having as much connection with their cultures as they believe they could may be affected by this type of nostalgia, leading to deep thought and cherishing the interpretation of their home in their memory.

Both types of nostalgia regard “an ache of temporal distance and displacement” from the place a person considers their home. How then may CCKs define “home”?

[ A Sense of Belonging ]

CCKs often ask themselves, “Where am I from? Where do I belong?” when thinking about their identity and cultural associations. They may not feel a sense of belonging with their community if they look different and think differently from their peers (foreigner), look alike and think differently (hidden immigrant), look different and think alike (adopted), or look alike and think alike (mirror). The situation that fits a CCK’s situation will depend on where they are located and the surrounding community.

Regardless, a feeling of not belonging or feeling like an impostor may arise, leading to different responses from CCKs. They may hide their background and pretend to be a local in order to fit in with the community. They may do the opposite by making their background and cultural identity known. Or, they may be somewhere between, not hiding their background but also not making it known.

Since circumstances are specific to each person, there is no right or wrong way to adapt to situations. However, if a CCK feels isolated because of these questions of identity and belonging, there are ways to become more comfortable and confident in their cultural identities.

[ Finding Comfort in Culture ]

For CCKs who might feel torn between their cultures or uncertain of their place of belonging, these are some strategies that can help ground yourself and rediscover your identities.

Re-establish your identity as multicultural & celebrate it

Accept all the cultures with which you identify. Even though you may not know everything about one of your cultures, you can still associate with it through your experiences in growing up in it. You can be all of your cultures–you do not need to pick just one as a mold for yourself. Celebrate having and participating in multiple cultures.

Identify & mourn hidden losses

If you had relocated, it is okay not to feel the same connection to your current environment that you felt with the place you grew up. It is okay not to feel connected to your place of birth when you grew up in another culture. Home can be wherever you feel most connected, and you are allowed to miss it after moving away.

Establish portable roots & recognize skills

Home can be taken with you wherever you go. As you move to different places, bring objects that represent your culture and history–a painting of your old house, a family heirloom, a picture from a favorite memory, a rock from the old park, a recipe you love to cook, anything that can bring that nostalgic feeling back to you. This can include skills you have gained from experiencing multiple cultures–maybe a language you can speak and understand and the ability to adapt to new, cross-cultural environments.

Normalize CCK stories

While every CCK’s story is unique and personal to themselves, they are not alone in their experience. Sharing your story with others gives you the chance not only to spread awareness of your cultures but also to connect with people in your community who may feel isolated or uncertain as well. People who are not CCKs can also learn from multicultural stories about diverse experiences and perspectives.